I've been back to see the psychiatrist once and I saw the psychologist last week and will see her again tonight. Last week the psychologist interviewed me, I guess to diagnose me as best as she could and to start to come up with a treatment plan.
She thinks I have social anxiety and generalized anxiety. That makes sense. I felt pretty confident that this therapy will work after meeting with her.
I saw the psychiatrist again yesterday and I don't think I like him. He was asking me some of the same questions he did last time, then he said asked me how my marriage is (again). I told him it's great and he said he felt last time like I said the same thing, but there was more I wasn't telling him. I told him that compared to my first marriage it definitely IS great, and we do have things we have to discuss and work through, like normal couples, but I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary. He wanted specifics. I told him that we debate over what to do with BB and how to coordinate things with BB's mother...heated discussions about how much time he spends with his best friend or doing his hobbies...how I'm actively involved in my church and Hubby's inability to do it with me due to work.
THEN, the doctor asked about the drinking problem I previously mentioned that he had. I never ever said Hubby has a drinking problem. He doesn't drink any more than I do. I don't think I ever said anything about drinking except when they asked me if I drink and I said that we have a drink or two sometimes on our date nights on Fridays after the kids go to bed, that's it, nothing excessive.
I don't know if he's just assuming things or if this is what doctors do in the mental health field in order to try and get people open up, but I found it alarming. Fortunately, I don't have to see him again for another 2 months.
I have been part of a team at work to use a new claims system. I go down to work on it today and the leader told me that I was going back upstairs until further notice because they don't have enough computers. I had to go back down to get my notebook because I had been storing it in a cabinet down there and everyone else on the team is still there, plus the four new people.
This is where I start to overthink things. I know if I did something wrong and they didn't want me on the team anymore, they would have said so. I should take it at face value and not think about it anymore, but that's really difficult. I try to tell myself that maybe they chose me to go upstairs because I wasn't there for the meeting yesterday when they decided this (if they even had one) or maybe because they think I'm comfortable enough with the program and feel like I don't need more time.
Reviews and raises are coming up, too, so that doesn't help.
We're on cycle 4 now...playing the waiting game. Things look and feel a little different this time around. Normally my temps are all over the place and I've had at least one below my coverline. This time it keeps going up. Slow rise, I think it's called. Last time it was a fall-back rise. My pre-O temps were more consistent than usual and there was a huge drop around O time, then a huge rise the next day. I have less physical signs this time, but the ones I do have aren't typical post-O signs for me. I guess I'll find out in about a week and a half, huh. I don't think I'm so antsy this time around. It's still something we want, but I guess I'm not expecting it this time. I didn't think it would take this long (I guess we're 5 months in now).
I'm trying to focus more on God and the blessings in life. Not that I have a lot of bad things going on, it's just easy to lose sight of those things with daily stresses and random things that come up.
Ending note: I may not know why things happen the way they do at work, but I'm so very thankful to have a job.
