Super duper fabulous week

This week has been pretty darn fantastic.

I've gotten to spend lots of time with BF and his son (three family nights this week!).  We also had our brief date night on Monday and BF will be coming over this evening.

I took off work on Wednesday because I had a child support conference.  I was so nervous because I hadn't seen X since October and I really didn't want to have to talk to him.  So while I was getting ready, I told God that I was putting it all in His hands.  I was going in there with the papers that I was required to get together and I wasn't going to try to sway the result in any way.

It went way better than I thought it would.  I didn't see X at all.  I don't know why.  I got there first and I was taken into a little room and the really nice lady who took the case informed me that he had filed to have the order transferred to MD, so that's why I was there, and she said she'd go run my numbers and then put his in when he arrived and see what happens.  When she came back in she said he was there, but he never came in and after we were finished, he had already left.

Not only did I not have to see him, the kids are also getting more than was originally ordered in PA even though I have a much higher income and X is still on unemployment!!

I don't know how that happened.  He also owes a good amount in arrears.

Nothing went the way I thought it would and that's a good thing.  It sure beats getting $4.02 per month.

So because that turned out so well, I have determined that I can likely move out on my own and know that I can still provide for the kids, even if I have to make sacrifices for myself.

I told this to BF and ever since he has talked about moving in together.

We had talked about this probably 2 months after we started dating when he first asked me about it and I told him that I don't believe in it.  It has to do with a lot of things: my religious beliefs, my values, my family, my kids, etc.  He seems to want to live together to determine if we would make it if we got married.

I told him that given what I know about his past and what I know about him now (which I think is a lot), if I feel like I need to live with him to feel like I can marry him, then I don't love or care about him enough to get married to him in the first place.  I'm sure there would be certain things that he does that would drive me crazy, but I am certain that he is a terrific guy and I love him more than I can explain and there is no little quirk or habit that he has that I wouldn't find out about until we lived together that would be a deal-breaker.

So anyway, I explained it to him again and he says he understands and he's just teasing, but he said it's something he thinks about on a daily basis.  I suppose that's a good thing.

In other news, I've been keeping up with my workouts.  It takes over an hour now to complete all five (abs, butt, pushups, legs, arms) and I do them any day I have some extra time, which ends up being just about every other day.  I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning...

I've gained 2.5 pounds in the last two weeks!!!!  Ahhhhh!!!  I wasn't expecting that, especially since my clothes are starting to fit better and I have a definable waist now.  I'm trying not to freak out about it and I keep reminding myself that muscle weighs more than fat and I've lost a bit of fat and I know I've gained some muscle.

I still haven't told BF that I've been doing it.  I know he'll tell me that I don't need to and then I might stop.  Or he'll think that he needs to start working out more because then I'll make him look bad (I think he needs to relax a bit more, to be honest...he's always buzzing around, wearing himself out).

I feel really accomplished when I've exercised and it gives me an adrenaline rush something.  It just feels good and I'm proud of myself for keeping it up for this long on my own.  Not to mention the health benefits.

Well, I suppose that's all for now.  Kiddos need lunch and I have lots of stuff to do before BF gets here in a few hours (yaaaaay)!

Until next time...

Inexplicable magnetism

Well, things are still going well for yours truly.

Mind you, there are still some speed bumps I'm going to run into, but for once I feel like I can take them on without panicking.

BF has been especially...I don't know the word. Adoring? Loving? Those still aren't adequate enough to describe just how into me he has been.

The feeling is mutual, though. I used to think that pheromones were a load of hooey, but it's the only explanation I have for this...this...ahhh I can't think of the right now. Not attraction to each other. I mean, we are definitely attracted to each other, but there is something drawing me to him that I can't even begin to explain.

It may be all the little things he does to make me feel so loved by him. I don't think that's even what he's trying to do. It's calling me in the morning before work, even on his day off. It's picking up my favorite treat just because he saw it on the shelf. It's kissing me on the hand when we're in the car together. It's saying my name after he tells me he loves me. It's having little inside jokes that we can laugh about. It's feeling like I can truly be myself and knowing he loves me for it and still thinks I'm perfect.

Like, the other day he sent me a text message to tell me that he was going to get his "alumaniminum". I said it out loud to myself and started to giggle. He said he did, too.  We had just been talking about words like that a few days before.  Something about that moment just made me feel especially close to him and I thought my heart was going to burst.

It was the silliest thing and looking back on it now, I don't even know why it made me feel that way, but it did.

I'm really afraid that this is just a crush. For either of us. I have never had feelings like this for someone and it baffles me every day. The feelings grow more and more every day, even when I feel like they possibly couldn't.

I remember when I first learned about the Five Love Languages and finding out what my love language was. I thought it wouldn't take anything to fill my "love tank" and I thought X was filling it just fine, when he wasn't being mean.

But BF he keeps my love tank overflowing and it's not because he has to go out of his way to do it.  It's just the way he is.

I daydream about our future. Then I have to remind myself that we've only been a couple for 4 months. When we were talking the other night, he was telling me that I may be questioned by some people for his background check at work that they do every 5 years.  He was saying that they ask questions for things about what he was doing up to 7 years ago. I told him that I don't really know that much about what he was doing back then that's when it hit us how long it feels like we've known each other compared to how long we actually have.

It's so weird.

I could talk about this forever and ever.  Heh.

In other news, I have some court stuff coming up regarding child support. I wish I could tell them that I don't want anything to do with him or child support. It's just one more thing for me to think about.  If he's unemployed, he can't pay anything anyway. I do think he should support his kids, but I don't think he cares all that much. And if things progress with BF like I think they will, I won't need it.

I think something is going to come up with custody, too.  I haven't heard anything official yet. That's the one speed bump I don't want to have to go over.

The kids are doing well.  We all seem to have some sort of head cold or allergies going on.  DS is learning to test the limits of whomever is watching them and DD seems to be growing out of her phase of throwing massive tantrums.

I have regained use of my car! I just need to take it in and get the real tags a registration next week. Then it's all squared away and I don't have to worry about it anymore!! It feels good to drive it again, though there are still some bad memories tied to it and there are dead bugs all over it. But it's mine and it makes me feel like I'm one step closer to gaining complete control over my life.

Well, I supposed that's it.  I need to go accomplish some things.

Here's to a fabulous weekend!