One year already?!

Tomorrow it will be one year since my divorce was finalized.

Time flies when you're having fun, right?!

I can't believe it's been that long already, yet sometimes it feels like it should be the third year.

I was trying to remember where I was at this point last year.  I don't mean physically. I didn't write but one entry last August and then the next was in November after I had already met BF and started falling for him.

I think this time last year I was anxious for it to be over, not knowing the emotional roller-coaster that was coming.  I thought I knew what I was going to do.  I thought I knew who I was going to date.  I had everything planned out in my head until the day I found out that it was all over (which wasn't until September 2 or 3, I don't think).  I was excited, but confused.  I realized that they guy I thought I was going to date wasn't who I wanted to date.  I told him that I didn't think he was in a place where he should be dating (he spent most of our talks telling me why he was such a bad person instead of trying to convince me that he was a great person and ready to be who he wanted to be).  But I also realized that I needed some time to be truly alone.

I don't think I've talked to that guy since.  He sent me a message this past January and I didn't reply...it was weird.  He was trying to explain how he couldn't explain his behavior and that he hoped we could be friends again and that he was dating someone and saw I was dating someone and that he's happy for the both of us.  He also said that it would be his last communication with me until he heard from me.  So I decided to leave well enough alone.

Anyway, I feel like that whole other mess was directing me to where I am now: successful at my job, mother of two healthy and happy children, loved by a gentle giant.

That's the best way I can describe him.  Gentle giant.  I never in a million years would have predicted that this good-looking 6'3" man would have such a big heart, be such a good dad, be capable of loving the way he does, be adored by my kids and return the adoration, be more ticklish than I am, or fall for someone like me.

I should probably save stuff like that for my entry at our 1 year dating mark.

I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.  Things seem to be moving at a reasonable pace.

As terrible and mind-numbing as it was, I'm thankful for all the things I had to deal with for those 8 years.  I'll still be dealing with it to some extent for the next 15 years, but I have someone who says he will stand by me through it all.

I'll say it again: God has been so good to me.