Sick and tired if being ill and tired

I haven't slept worth beans in about 4 days.  I had a scratchy throat and woke up with a full-blown awful cold on Thursday.  I called in sick on Friday because I felt like crap and couldn't sleep due to non-stop coughing.  It's been that way every since.  Lots of coughing, little to no sleep unless I nap during the day.

Like I said, I called off work on Friday.  Hubby took the kids to daycare and I napped as much as I could until the kids got home around 3:30.

That night there was a trunk-or-treat event at the elementary school.  My plan was to help the kids get made up for it and then let Hubby take them.  He said I couldn't miss it, though, because it was a neat first time thing for all of us and I needed to be there to experience it.  It was neat, but it was cold and I think it may have been too much for me.  On the plus side, then kiddos had their picture taken and should be in the local paper.

Hubby got up really early Saturday morning to go hunting (ugh), so I was left with the kids until he got home, which I think was around 2 pm.  I am fortunate to be able to say that the kids were well-behaved and SS was especially helpful, so I could nap and take it easy until he got home.

Sunday I stayed home from church because I still felt bad.  Besides, when I dropped the kids off for Sunday School in the morning no one would let me come inside because of how bad I sounded, and when I came to pick them up after a few hours everyone who saw me would make an 'x' with their pointer fingers and back up.

It's not like I have the plague...for goodness sake.

Even my parents wanted to pick the kids up from my house so I didn't come over to theirs.  While my mom made it seem like it was so I could rest more, it felt more like they just didn't want me to infect everyone.

It ended up being pretty nice because Hubby and I got over 24 hours of alone time.

Yesterday we had the parent-teacher conferences early in the morning.  With the way they were scheduled I was able to attend the one for SS and Hubby attended the one for DD.

SS is doing great with his spelling and I think he's doing pretty well with his math.  He didn't pass his last math test, but his teacher thinks it's because he ran out of time, not because he got any wrong.  He has 1 minute to answer 12 math problems and he didn't answer three, and they can only miss one and still pass.  His reading level is almost a year behind.  He also has issues with the sound of a pencil on paper. He covers his ears because he says it hurts.  I think this is misophony, which is something I seem to suffer from with other sounds.  He also seems to rush through his work, which makes his writing sloppy, and he loses his attention pretty fast.

Hubby and I think all of this means that he needs to focus more on school and less on sports.  SS's mother disagrees.

The thing is, we're fairly certain that she doesn't do any kind of reading or practicing with him while she has him Saturday night through Tuesday morning. One time I heard her arguing with Hubby, saying that it takes away from their time to do fun stuff.

But then when we have him during the week, he literally gets home, has an hour to do homework and eat dinner, then goes off to practice, gets home, takes a shower, settles down and sometimes reads, and then goes to bed...just to do it all again the next day.  Cut out the practices, and he could take his time doing homework so he actually understands what he's doing and why, take time to read a book and understand it, and have time to go over the math flashcards so he can answer the math questions faster.

Maybe we're wrong, but I'm pretty sure we're not.  And Hubby had a valid point that if he's in sports when he's older and his grades are suffering he won't be allowed to play due to school rules.

So while his conference wasn't awesome, I think it's something that can be fixed...though it seems like fixing it will complicate other things.

DD's conference went really well.  Her teacher showed me one of her journals, which was really cute.  She said that DD is a real sweetheart and is really kind to the other kids.  She has mastered her letters and apparently is on a higher reading level.  Or at least it's higher for kindergarteners.  She said that the books she's reading are challenging for her, but if she took her down a level they would be too easy.  For math and language arts she scored where a child halfway through the kindergarten year would be.  The only negative thing she said was that she is easily distracted by the other kids or the world around her and she sometimes doesn't finish her work.

Besides the conference, DD loves to do homework and she asks to do it, even when she doesn't have any.

After the conferences, we did some birthday shopping for DS and priced pre-lit Christmas trees and got some lunch.  Then we came home and I took a nap.  Then we went to my parents' house for dinner.

And now I'm back at work after another restless night.  I normally try to nap when I get here, but I have a feeling that I'd be more groggy if I did that.  I have too much work to do to be extra groggy.  A portion of my desk looks like a small pharmacy, but I hope it'll get me through the day.

I guess I'll get an slightly early start on my work.

Oh yeah, I want to change the initials for DS and SS to LB and BB.  I call them both "Bud" and they get confused...so I started calling DS "Little Bud" and SS "Big Bud".  And it's more fitting because while BB is my step-son, he's more like my own.

Off to work mode I go...

This is where I'm supposed to be

Today is the second anniversary of our first date.  It's also the fifth anniversary of the day I separated from X.

Will there ever be a day when I don't associate October 24th with that terrible experience?

In a way I take the first date date as life's "do-over".

Anyway, I totally forgot about it until I saw a post on FB yesterday asking about online dating and how long you should wait until you meet someone in person.  I was trying to figure out when our next milestone for our relationship is and I realized HOLY COW!  It's tomorrow and it's been two years already?!

We regularly reminisce about that time...

I think we talked online for about 2 weeks through the dating site where he found me.  He asked me how old my kids were and I replied with their ages only, thinking that would be it from him and I'd continue on my merry way.  He kept replying with questions and every time I replied and liked talking to him, but I kept wondering why in the world he's still talking to me.

When I completed my profile I was really blunt and to the point.  I guess I was trying to ward off phonies or people who were only out there looking for a fling.  I said I had been through a divorce and I know what I want and I have trust issues and I'm not taking anyone's crap!  I didn't say it quite like that, but that's the jist of it.  I also said the kids and I are a package deal and if you don't like kids just stop reading now or if you like me and not my kids then you can hit the road.

It was long and wordy and I'm shocked anyone even took the time to read it.

During the initial two week period he kept asking to talk to me on the phone and I didn't want to do it.  I told him the honest reason why (I hate the sound of my voice) and even after I gave him my phone number I would only text for about a week.  Now he tells me that he thought I was "catfishing".  He said he was getting more and more frustrated -- complaining to his best friend that I wouldn't talk to him -- and if I had taken too much longer he would've stopped talking to me altogether.

There are a lot of nutsos out there and you can't be too safe, you know?  2+ weeks isn't a terribly long time in my book, so if you can't hang in there that long, you're probably not worth it.

Now I look back and I'm really thankful that he did wait.

So finally I did talk to him on the phone and it became a daily thing that would last for hours.

I think we talked like that for about a week and then we met in person.

All in all it was 3-4 weeks that we conversed in some way or another.  I think that's a decent amount of time to get a feel for someone.  What really helped was that at some point after we had started talking some way other than the internet he told me that he had deleted his profile because he no longer felt the need to use it.

How freakin' cool is that?

I had told my parents about him already in that period of time, but I did not tell them that I was going to meet him when I did.

That was really wrong of me.  What if my judgment had been wrong and no one knew where I was?  I did it because I didn't want their criticism or to hear that I'm crazy or they won't let me do it...which is really immature.  I knew I wouldn't have the kids, so I wouldn't be putting them in any danger.  I am fortunate to say that nothing bad happened and I came home alive and unharmed.  My mom is particularly intuitive and she figured out what was going on before I even go home that evening.

We met at a local fast food restaurant after work.  He came with a white rose and the first thing he did was call me by the wrong name.

I knew he was nervous like I was and he said he had just been on FB while he was waiting for me he had seen a post by someone with that name so it just popped out of his mouth.  It wasn't exactly a dealbreaker and it was still too early, so I continued with the meeting.  The rose might have helped a little, too.

Our date was a trip to W@l*M@rt so I could do some birthday shopping for DS.  Fun, huh?  Neither of us could choose what to do, so I told him that I needed to get that done and he agreed.

When we were on the way to the store he told me that one of his three fears about meeting me came true.  One fear was that I would show up and actually be a man.  Another was that I'd show up with a bunch of guys and my dad and stuff him in the trunk of a car and take off.  The last fear and the one that came true was that I'd be more attractive than he is.  It was kind of an odd compliment, but I took it.  I might ask him about that now that I'm thinking about it again.

So we wandered around the store and he helped me pick some things for DS's birthday.  He told me later in our relationship that he spent a lot of time checking out my rear-end that day.  Haha!  Ha!  I wasn't aware that my butt was even worth being checked out and I don't remember what I wore that day that would make it look good.  I was a little alarmed when he told me because he said he wasn't interested in me because of my looks, but it's flattering to think about now.  If he had commented on it that day it probably would have been a red flag.

After the shopping trip we went to a restaurant and got pizza.  I was so anxious and nervous that I only ate about half of a slice and I think he ate one slice.  It was our first time being able to sit down and really look at each other and just talk.  It was especially scary for me, being anti-social and all, and I am not one to make a lot of eye contact.  I think we just talked about our families and decided to call it a night.

And that was it.  I didn't think the date went all that well, though I enjoyed it, and I truly didn't expect to hear from him again.  I'm fairly certain he called me that night and was already planning our next date.  And maybe an hour into that second date he was already asking me for a third.

All that is history now.  Never in a million years did I imagine it would get to this point.  It feels like yesterday and it's still surreal.  I wake up in the middle of the night and see him sleeping and think about how unbelievable and amazing it is.  At the same time, though, I forget that there was a time that we didn't even know the other person existed because it feels like it's been this way all along.

I haven't felt this good since before I had my heart broken for the first time, nor have I ever felt so complete and where I'm supposed to be as I do now.

I have awesome kids

Hubby's furlough ended late last Wednesday, which is good. He should be receiving back pay, which is good, too.  We just don't know when he'll get it.  He thinks it'll be in 2 weeks.  I don't.  I guess we'll see!

 

He said having that time off made him realize just how much he dislikes his job.  I told him that if he dislikes his job that much then he should start looking for another. I know he probably wouldn't get paid as much as he does now, but we can adjust accordingly and I think it could be good for his mental and emotional health.

 

I am so so so SO proud of my kids.  SS has been doing great in football lately (even though I don't like the practice/game schedule it's really cool to hear) and his behavior at home has been better, too.   Granted, he's fighting with the other two like regular siblings.  He's been getting good grades on his spelling and math tests.

 

DD is doing really well in school, I think.  I am really impressed with her reading.  She helps me read every night and in doing that I've discovered that she can read most words up to three letters, knows a lot of four letter words (ahem...not curse words), knows all of the spelled-out numbers, and she has been mentally sounding out words! She made me so proud that I had to stop in the middle of the book and give her a good squeeze.  She also loves doing her school work.  She asks for homework every night (though she usually doesn't have any at all) and when does have homework or a project to work on, she'll sit down with me and work on it until it's finished or we have to stop.

 

In reading every day, DS is memorizing the books we've been reading and usually when DD gets stuck on a word he chimes right in with the correct one!  Sometimes he extends the sentence a bit longer than it's supposed to be, but it makes for a good laugh.  I know that's the start of reading for him...memorization and then recognition of words.  I had heard that boys develop slower than girls in some ways (is that true?), but I think because he has a big sister he picks up things faster.  He walked before his sister.  I think he has picked up talking faster than his sister did, though I still can't understand what he's saying at times...especially when he's tired.  He was fully potty trained long before his sister was.  He's not even 4 years old yet and he's been sleeping through the night with just regular underwear and no bed-wetting.  He does have the occasional mishap, but I think that's because I sometimes don't limit his liquid intake as I should.  I don't think DD slept through the night without wetting the bed or a diaper until after 5 years old at least.

 

Baby-wise, we officially decided about 3 weeks ago that I would stop taking my pill.  I've been charting just so I have an idea of what's going on, especially after whatever that was that happened last month with the 2 weeks of pain and such.  So far I had a short cycle (like 20 days) and it appeared to be anovulatory, which is disheartening.  Not because we didn't conceive the first month, but because it makes me wonder if that plus last month's issue could be indicative of a greater problem.  I haven't been pregnant in almost 4 years and I'm almost 30.  I know my body has changed, so I'm not expecting this to be as uncomplicated as it was before.  When we decided to do this we agreed that we couldn't be actively trying, whatever that means for us.  I am charting so I at least know what my cycles are like now and with regular intimacy and his expressed excitement maybe we're not not-trying.  I think I've confused myself.

 

Anyway, I think any more talk of this will be written in my baby/kids blog that I don't update.  I don't know who has found my blog and don't particularly want people (specifically family and co-workers) to know until there is something to share.

 

I suppose that's it for now.  Work starts in 6 minutes!

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it

I've been struggling to stay awake at my desk.  I don't know if it's because of stress, but I've been absolutely exhausted.

Hubby has been off work since Tuesday due to being on furlough. Actually, he had to drive all the way to work early Tuesday morning just to pick up a furlough letter and then drive back home. I think he spent as much time driving, if not more, as he did at work.

It's kind of scary and frustrating to not know how long this is going to last. It's also frustrating to see the comments from people on social networks.  Two people in my family were commenting on how it's taken over f@ceb00k and blah blah blah, but they're going to just go on living life as usual.  I think I wrote out a spiel 4 or 5 times and then deleted it before I could post it talking about how they forget that there are people who are affected by it, even in their own family.

 

We are doing okay right now.  I believe this is a 3 paycheck month.  Hubby got his paycheck this week and the mortgage is paid until the first of November.  I get paid this week, too, and then again in two weeks and the 3rd check should clear the day our mortgage is due.  After that, though, it will be really tough...if this shut-down lasts that long.

Hubby seems to think this is a vacation of sorts and I keep feeling like I need to remind him that it's indefinite UNPAID "vacation" and once he exhausts his supplies for his hobbies, he can't just run out and restock everything whenever he wants to. Not to mention, he can reduce daycare costs by keeping DS home with him and being DD's transportation to and from school.

He has been telling me since we were dating that I'm a good worker and should get a job with the government because of job security and he thought I would succeed.  I bet right now he's glad I didn't because then we'd really be up the creek without a paddle!  (I've always wanted to use that phrase...haha)

In other news, the church choir has a really cool opportunity coming up in December.  The town where I went to school has a winter/holiday festival of sorts toward the end of the year. I don't know exactly what it is.  I don't know if they've been doing this all along and I just never heard about it or if it's something relatively new.  Anyway, there is a hotel in that town that is owned by a famous and my favorite author (this is the hotel that burned down, I don't know, 2+ years ago). Somehow...and I don't know if we were asked or if someone from my church thought of it...a choir that I am organizing and directing is going to be caroling on the front steps of that hotel! Apparently the innkeeper and owner are really excited about it.

 

We had our first rehearsal last night with 4 new people in addition to the usual choir members...so not including me, there 14 singers: 4 soprano, 4 alto, 3 tenor, 3 bass.  It's a nice even spread and I really like being able to hear the women more.  We normally only have 2 or 3 sopranos and only 1 (2 on a good month) alto.  The group we had sounded amazing.  Everything will have to be a capella because it is caroling outside, after all.  I think it's easier to stay on key when more people participate.

 

Last night we went over the parts of Silent Night and sang it a couple of times with the piano, then for the last 2 verses the piano dropped out and they were spot on!  There was some kind of innocence and purity in how it sounded and it gave me goosebumps.  We also went over O Come O Come Emmanuel.  That one didn't go so smoothly.  I mean, they were able to pick up their parts just fine, but not everyone is so familiar with it and it's in a minor key and 2 of the parts don't make any sense whatsoever when they're played by themselves. So throw all the parts together with a group of singers who lack confidence and it creates something a little rough.

 

I am absolutely stoked about it and after hearing the group I am even more excited.  I think it will be God-pleasing and great for the church and good for someone who hears us, I hope.

 

Well, I suppose that's it for now.

 

So until next time...

Shmovernment

There's nothing like having your marriage tested by being forced down to one income. I hope this doesn't last very long. 

God, please watch over us.