The weekend and the unforeseeable future

We had a rather nice weekend.

I had horrible cramps and back pain all day Friday, so by the time I got home from work I was in a horrendous mood and exhausted by the time the kids were in bed.  Friday nights are "us" nights and we usually end up watching a movie and sharing popcorn and an adult beverage or two, but this time we couldn't decide what to do and just lounged around and ended up going to bed a little earlier.

Saturday I was gifted with sleeping in until about 9 a.m.. I haven't done that in years! SS didn't have a football game, so we were just putzing around all morning. After lunch we headed out for some fun at Chuck-3-Ch33s3's and then stopped for gelatis on the way home. I had dinner cooking the crockpot, so we had an early dinner of italian crockpot chicken with fun spiraly pasta at 4 p.m., then went to a music fest at my church. Then SS had to be taken to his mom's house and we came back home and did our normal Saturday night routine.

Yesterday was choir Sunday at church, so I had to get DD and DS and myself ready for early rehearsal.  My parents surprised me with a conductor's baton before practice started.

Coolest thing ever!

I'm a such a nerd.  I got so excited about that little plastic stick.  I had been using an ink pen or a pencil.  I don't know why but the singers pay attention to those better than my hands, but I think the novelty of the baton made them pay even better attention.  It probably helps that I got carried away playing around with it: pointing it at people like a magic wand, swinging it through the air and making swooshing sword noises, pretending like it would fly out of my hand and whack someone if they weren't watching me, tapping it on my music stand and clearing my throat like I'm important or something, etc.

No one can say choir practice isn't fun.

Anyway, I thought they did a really good job.  It's pretty neat to think about how far we've come in the last year and a half.

SS was brought to church by his mother, which was good, and there was a lunch after service. Hubby had asked me to keep it a secret to SS, and I tried to do that, but I guess in Sunday School it was mentioned and SS was begging me to call his mom to see if he could stay.

Awkward...

After finding out that Hubby had already gotten a no from her (hence the secrecy), he did end up being able to stay and eat a plate a food really fast while she waited outside and I fixed a plate of dessert that he could take home and share with his mom.

I know this is weird, but I've encouraged Hubby and SS to invite her into the church.  I don't care if SS sits with me.  It's not a competition to see who is a better mother. She talks about how she gives up her time to let him attend.  What better way to get that time back than to attend with him? She can even bring her boyfriend with her.  She won't do it, though. I'm convinced it will change her entire life she'd just take the chance.

Anyway, I got a nice nap in the afternoon and we went out for my dad's birthday dinner later.  Mmm...chinese food.  Unfortunately, I was still full from lunch. Fortunately, it was a buffet, so I could pick little bits of a different stuff without overeating.

On the way home I brought up the subject of babies. I've been thinking a lot about it since Friday due to the last two weeks of whatever that was. I'm not convinced it was just in my head or wacky hormones because I still don't feel normal (though I'm gradually getting there) and this visit from AF doesn't seem normal either.  He told me he was just thinking about it that afternoon, so it's pretty coincidental that I brought it up.  We talked about fears and concerns and how we could go about it.  We would be affected by this government shut-down, if it happens.  Our plan for now is for me to call the doctor and get a new prescripition for my pills, since it expired, and I may or may not take it on Thursday.  I guess we'll see what happens.

 

No breath-holding here.

Whew

I'm kind of disappointed and rather relieved to say that AF seems to have appeared a day early. I feel even more like crap, though, and I wish I had stayed home from work. I hope this isn't what it's going to be like every month now because I don't know if I can handle it.

Post-wedding Part 3

Work:  Work is going okay, I think.  I'm able to pay 3 kinds of claims.  4 if you count a type that I haven't been officially trained on.  My last two audits have been error-free, which is really nice.  I did get involved in some unnecessary drama in the last few months and for a while there it seemed that I had fallen from the good graces of those in authority.  I think people thought I was intentionally trying to make others miserable.  No, not intentionally.  I guess I do it naturally.  I wish I didn't.  And the more I tried to step back and do what I was told (and even try to take it a step further and go above what they were asking), the worse it got.  As bad as this sounds, trying to explain myself wasn't working and I decided that no one really cared about what I thought or had to say, even when they asked for it, so I have kept low and to myself, doing my work and nothing else. When I was asked how things are, I simply said things are fine.  It has worked.  People are being nice and patient with me again and I think I'm almost back to invisible again.  It only took 2 months to get back to some kind of normalcy.  I'll take it.  Other than that, things seem just fine at work.  Hubby and I still commute together to save money.

Health:  So...I still don't know what's going on with these symptoms I've been having.  I'm still experiencing them and some new ones, though not all at the same time.  I'm still getting negative test results and none of this is particularly similar to my first two pregnancies, but I wasn't on the pill for those, either.  I'm conflicted about how I feel about the possibility of a pregnancy.  I'm hoping I really am  pregnant, but at the same time thinking about how we are not prepared at all and were not planning for it yet.  I'm beginning to wonder if all of these things I feel are being concocted in my head.  AF should be here this weekend.  I guess we'll see what happens.  Regardless, a phone call to the doctor will be made on Monday.  Will it be for a new pill prescription or for blood test and/or to make an OB appointment?  Not knowing is driving me kind of crazy.

Post-wedding Part 2

Custody:  Well, I have a lot to say about this, but I don't want to say it. X hasn't seen the kids in over 6 months now. I didn't hear from him since the beginning of March until the end of August. It seems to me like he's making lame attempts at trying to see the kids. He wanted to see them unsupervised so he could take them places. I said no because he hasn't seen them in so long and I want to stick as closely as possible to the custody order. Then he invited them to his son's first birthday party, with the option of me leaving them there for 3 or so hours or I could stay, too. Again, I said no. There's no way I wasn't going to drop them off in a house full of people they don't know for a half-brother they don't even know they have, and I have enough self-respect not to subject myself to that lion's den full of his family and friends who probably despise me right now. Not to mention, his significant other is to have no contact with them.

 

No way, no how.

 

So now he wants to have his best friend and his wife supervise at their house. He's going to drive at least half and hour north to their house for this visit, which is an hour or more for me to get there.  I asked him if he could choose a closer location and he said that they wouldn't drive to the area where he lives and if gas is an issue, he'd give me $5. This ended up being a no as well.  I don't think I should be expected to drive any farther than where he lives, which is 30+ minutes away.

 

I met with an attorney a week or so ago and he said that what I'm doing is okay, as long as I leave it open for him to see them.  That was before his best friend supervising was brought up.  I know it's not the only option he has, so I think I'm still doing the right thing.

 

So to make a long story short, I think he's going to see them eventually, but he has to stop suggesting these seemingly ridiculous ideas.

 

House/Cats:  We've found some weird things about our house and there are definitely things that need to be fixed, but we both still love it.  Hubby said that it still suddenly hits him that it's our home.  I get the same thing, but it's about him being my husband. 

 

The kitties are doing well and they seem happy. I thought the black and white cat was a goner because he got really sick and stopped eating.  I think he poisoned himself.  He started throwing up every time he ate and eventually stopped eating altogether. He lost a lot of weight and became extremely lethargic. I couldn't take him to a vet because that was when we messed up with our bills and we had no money.  I decided to try giving him some canned chicken and water and over two or three days he got his appetite back and is now back to being healthy and happy and playful and is eating his regular kitty food just fine.  And Hubby has to keep his stuff cleaned up in the basement.  He was leaving out adhesives and solvents and I'm thinking that's what tuxedo kitty got into.

 

I think I'm just about finished...on to part 3.

Post-wedding Part 1

It's been nearly 4 months since I remarried. After getting a rather random comment from someone who is writing again, I'm trying to decide if maybe things have settled down enough in my life to be able to maybe start writing regularly. And the last thing I wrote was just because I feel like I'm about to go crazy because I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it!  So let's see if I can do a summary of the last 4+ months, post wedding:

 

Marriage/Kids:  Married life has been pretty amazing. I have a supportive, helpful, attentive, caring husband who seems to still really love me and the kids.  I don't think you'd be able to tell by how I act throughout the day, though. Quite frankly, I'm exhausted all the time. And I don't feel like I get much time with my new blended family, as SS is gone half of the time with his mother and the rest of the time he and Hubby are at football practice or games. In some ways I feel like we're still separated into two families and it really gets to me sometimes. I don't feel like I get adequate time with SS, though he nows cuddles with me before he goes to bed and I get lots of kisses and hugs. I'm at the point where I love him as my own son and I want to tell him so, I just don't know how to go about it and don't want him to feel like he has to return the feelings.

 

This lack of time together also makes me quite grouchy when Hubby mentions needing "me time".  I guess it's different when he really is so busy as opposed to wanting his time when he isn't doing squat for the rest of the time. When he gets that time it truly does seem to help him in some way and when he sees me later or even calls while he's out, he an ultra-awesome husband.

 

It's really nice to not be worried about finances. The only time we cut it close is when we paid too many bills at once (because of me...whoops), but it worked out just fine. I've been building up my credit and now I can be approved for cards that have no annual fee and a higher limit.  It feels really good to be free of that part of my past.

 

Hubby really appreciates me and the things I do.  He's told me a number of times that I'm an amazing wife and would have been the perfect housewife if I didn't have to work. I don't quite understand it because that's what wives are supposed to do, but I guess when you come from previous relationships like we did, you really notice and appreciate the difference.

 

The kids are doing well.  DD started kindergarten on August 21st. She says she loves riding the bus and she loves the school work.  She talks about her friends and other than being tired and giving me attitude when she gets home, she seems to be doing a great job.  DS misses his sister during the day, but I think he really likes the extra attention he gets from my parents when they watch him and Hubby when he keeps him on Fridays. They and SS get along like brothers and sister.  I think the newness has worn off and they fight and bicker like regular siblings.  It's really fun to watch and listen to them pretend play.

 

Well, I guess I'll cut off here and continue on a new entry. I hate writing book-long entries.  Well, I don't hate writing them, but it's hard to go back and read them.  Ha. They probably end up so long because of nonsensicle rambling like this!

Ugh?

Cramping for a week, not a spot of blood

Nausea off and on

Sore hips

Sore chest

Light headed/woozy

Frequent need to pee

Daytime fatigue, yet insomnia at night

In the middle of a pack of pills, all taken as they should have been

Negative tests

What the heck is wrong with me?!?!??