Distracting myself = Productiveness

So...

I think this is the first time sitting at my home computer and writing since I moved.

Everything else I've done is usually written on an e-mail draft or notepad page and then copied and posted on my phone or ipad.

The hubster is back from his trip.  I can't tell if he enjoyed his trip or not.  He keeps talking about it, but also says he's so glad to be home.  I didn't enjoy him not being here, but I sure did accomplish a lot.

He left Thursday night.  I think that was the first time he had ever seen me cry.  He wanted to know what I was so worried about.  I wasn't really worried about anything, I just didn't want him to leave.  The tears were uncontrollable.  I wound up crying myself to sleep that night and my eyes were swollen until after lunch break on Friday.

I worked on Friday and that evening my younger brother and his wife came over for dinner to keep me company.  They brought some adult beverages, which we enjoyed, and they left around 11 pm.  I cried again, but I didn't fall asleep that way.

Saturday I did all the laundry spent all day rearranging the cupboards in the kitchen.  It wasn't my plan for the day, but it sure was funny last night when he got home and went to get a drink and couldn't find the glasses.  I was cleaning off the countertops and moving things that I didn't like.  I moved the knife block and spice rack next to the stove and decided that the rest of the spices and cooking ingredients should be near the stove, too.  Out went the cups and mugs, in went the spices and such as well as measuring cups, mixing bowls and storage containers.  Cups went into where the spices were, while I decided the mugs should be near the coffee maker.  Out went the kids' dishes and other random things that were in there and in went the coffee mugs and water bottles that we don't use much.  Then I decided that the rest of the nicer dishes and wine glasses can go in the cupboard with the glass cups.  Out went those dishes and in went the kids' stuff.  Ta-da!

So it wasn't intentional. More of a domino effect.

Sunday we went to church and I had nursery duty (5 kids 2 and under in there...3 were under a year old).  I forgot to mention that BB's mother had him all this time, but she did let him return to church.  Yay!  We had an early dinner out with my parents, then I took a nap at their house and went home to clean while the kiddos spent the night at my parents' house.  I vacuumed the entire house, cleaned our bedroom, put away all the laundry, changed our sheets, washed all the dishes, took out the trash...I think that's it.

Who wouldn't want to go away on a trip with no running water, cooped up in a little cabin with 3 or 4 other men, not changing clothes or shaving for 5 days, and come home to a clean house?

I went to work on Monday and anxiously awaited the return of my husband.

He was good about sending me messages when he could and he called once or twice a day despite bad cell service.  I did cry at least a little every day.  I tried not to let on that I was upset whenever we hung up, but he told me he could hear it in my voice.

I tried to tell him that it would be so much easier if I didn't get upset like that.  I don't like feeling that way, but I can't help it.

He seemed truly happy to see me when he came through the door.  He dropped all his stuff right when got inside with a huge smile on his face and then gathered me up in his arms for big hug and a kiss.

Even though it makes me anxious to hear him talk about guns and shooting things (don't ask...I don't know why), I let him talk and talk and mull over things and watched him eat the leftover lasagna soup that he likes so much.

I thought I would sleep better last night, but I think I'd gotten used to the silence of the house and had trouble falling asleep.  I think I tossed and turned for over 2 hours.

Today is a snow day for me.  The kids are off school anyway, but I decided to err on the side of caution and stay home.  I'm glad I did.  Hubby went to work, though.  Because of his job, he doesn't know when he'll be home.

The psychologist called me to see if I wanted to try and make it in or reschedule.  So my first meeting with her has been postponed until I reschedule, hopefully for later this week.  I just need to muster up the nerve to call the office.

The kids are playing nicely and it's rather calm around here.

Time to go start on a crock pot dinner that I think Hubby will enjoy to the max!

Super duper fabulous week

This week has been pretty darn fantastic.

I've gotten to spend lots of time with BF and his son (three family nights this week!).  We also had our brief date night on Monday and BF will be coming over this evening.

I took off work on Wednesday because I had a child support conference.  I was so nervous because I hadn't seen X since October and I really didn't want to have to talk to him.  So while I was getting ready, I told God that I was putting it all in His hands.  I was going in there with the papers that I was required to get together and I wasn't going to try to sway the result in any way.

It went way better than I thought it would.  I didn't see X at all.  I don't know why.  I got there first and I was taken into a little room and the really nice lady who took the case informed me that he had filed to have the order transferred to MD, so that's why I was there, and she said she'd go run my numbers and then put his in when he arrived and see what happens.  When she came back in she said he was there, but he never came in and after we were finished, he had already left.

Not only did I not have to see him, the kids are also getting more than was originally ordered in PA even though I have a much higher income and X is still on unemployment!!

I don't know how that happened.  He also owes a good amount in arrears.

Nothing went the way I thought it would and that's a good thing.  It sure beats getting $4.02 per month.

So because that turned out so well, I have determined that I can likely move out on my own and know that I can still provide for the kids, even if I have to make sacrifices for myself.

I told this to BF and ever since he has talked about moving in together.

We had talked about this probably 2 months after we started dating when he first asked me about it and I told him that I don't believe in it.  It has to do with a lot of things: my religious beliefs, my values, my family, my kids, etc.  He seems to want to live together to determine if we would make it if we got married.

I told him that given what I know about his past and what I know about him now (which I think is a lot), if I feel like I need to live with him to feel like I can marry him, then I don't love or care about him enough to get married to him in the first place.  I'm sure there would be certain things that he does that would drive me crazy, but I am certain that he is a terrific guy and I love him more than I can explain and there is no little quirk or habit that he has that I wouldn't find out about until we lived together that would be a deal-breaker.

So anyway, I explained it to him again and he says he understands and he's just teasing, but he said it's something he thinks about on a daily basis.  I suppose that's a good thing.

In other news, I've been keeping up with my workouts.  It takes over an hour now to complete all five (abs, butt, pushups, legs, arms) and I do them any day I have some extra time, which ends up being just about every other day.  I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning...

I've gained 2.5 pounds in the last two weeks!!!!  Ahhhhh!!!  I wasn't expecting that, especially since my clothes are starting to fit better and I have a definable waist now.  I'm trying not to freak out about it and I keep reminding myself that muscle weighs more than fat and I've lost a bit of fat and I know I've gained some muscle.

I still haven't told BF that I've been doing it.  I know he'll tell me that I don't need to and then I might stop.  Or he'll think that he needs to start working out more because then I'll make him look bad (I think he needs to relax a bit more, to be honest...he's always buzzing around, wearing himself out).

I feel really accomplished when I've exercised and it gives me an adrenaline rush something.  It just feels good and I'm proud of myself for keeping it up for this long on my own.  Not to mention the health benefits.

Well, I suppose that's all for now.  Kiddos need lunch and I have lots of stuff to do before BF gets here in a few hours (yaaaaay)!

Until next time...