I think it gives me insomnia, too. I don't remember the last time I was up this late, doing something like this.
Okay, I'm done for today.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Talk talk talk it over
Well, we ended up talking about it tonight. I guess he felt my bad mood and I was taking it out on him and I didn't realize how bad it was.
If any of that made sense.
I feel a little better after talking, he says he feels better, too.
I decided to look up the side-effects of the medications I'm on. A possible side effect of prednisone is depression. I've had these feelings for weeks now (about the words words words), but didn't feel like this until the day after I took my first 3-pill dose of the steroid.
So just like that other birth control I was on, no prednisone. I'll finish out this bottle I have because it's already tapering off, but there has to be an alternative if I ever need it again...if it's even working.
I don't feel like myself and it's making me think the crazy thoughts again.
I'm not blaming it on the medication entirely. Like I said, I already had my frustrations. But I didn't treat my boyfriend like crap over it until now.
Follow-up appointment with my primary care on Monday. Maybe I can do something about it then. Otherwise, I have to make it to Thursday.
I don't know if I'll even be able to stand myself for that long.
Sad face.
I'm sorry, BF.
If any of that made sense.
I feel a little better after talking, he says he feels better, too.
I decided to look up the side-effects of the medications I'm on. A possible side effect of prednisone is depression. I've had these feelings for weeks now (about the words words words), but didn't feel like this until the day after I took my first 3-pill dose of the steroid.
So just like that other birth control I was on, no prednisone. I'll finish out this bottle I have because it's already tapering off, but there has to be an alternative if I ever need it again...if it's even working.
I don't feel like myself and it's making me think the crazy thoughts again.
I'm not blaming it on the medication entirely. Like I said, I already had my frustrations. But I didn't treat my boyfriend like crap over it until now.
Follow-up appointment with my primary care on Monday. Maybe I can do something about it then. Otherwise, I have to make it to Thursday.
I don't know if I'll even be able to stand myself for that long.
Sad face.
I'm sorry, BF.
Stop feeding me blah blah blah
I've been sick for 3 weeks now. I finally went to the doctor on Wednesday and was diagnosed with bronchitis and eventually some kind of strep. On top of that I think I had the worst sinus infection I've ever had and the antibiotic they put me on got rid of that in 24 hours, but I still feel the pain sometimes. They also put me on prednisone and gave me an inhaler for my coughing attacks.
I don't know if it's the meds or being sick for so long or maybe I'm just frustrated with things in general, but I have been in some foul mood...especially when it comes to BF.
He is just all talk talk talk but no action. What is that song by Ke$ha? "Blah blah blah blahblahblah blah blah Comin' outcha mouth witcha blah blah blah..."
There are so many things he says and then doesn't follow through. Or he puts it into some code that I'm figuring out on my own. Like, "I'll see what I can do..." or "I don't think..." or "I'll try" means that it's not going to happen. He just doesn't want to flat out tell me so. Instead, he gets my hopes up and even though now I know what it means, I still hope. I mean, for goodness sake...just tell me so I can get past the disappointment and move on to something else.
He said that he doesn't come have lunch with me on Fridays anymore all the time because he doesn't want me to get used to it. Nope, he doesn't come at all now and hasn't since last spring. If you don't want to come anymore, just say so! Don't try to pretty it up and make it seem like you're trying to do something good or special when you have no intention of doing it at all. I just get disappointed every single Friday because there's that tiny glimmer of hope that maybe he'll actually do it this time. I usually don't hear from him at all on Fridays. Maybe at 8:30 in the morning, then after that -- nothing.
"I'm never too busy for you."
"If I were there right now, I'd go out of my way to see you."
"I'll have to make sure I stop by and see you."
But he is too busy.
But when he is around, he doesn't go out of his way to see me.
And he doesn't stop by and see me.
He says he wants to marry me. He talks about it constantly. He won't tell me his plan. He told me some of the things that are holding things up...things that are petty and I don't care about and he knows this. I feel like they're excuses to put it off. And that's fine. Just stop talking about it, please.
The sad thing is, I've already discussed these things with him and how it makes me feel, but it doesn't stop.
And my mother, in a conversation we had a few weeks ago about something else, said that I can't get on him about this stuff because then he'll stop talking to me about anything.
So what am I supposed to do?
I find myself on the verge of tears because all of this stuff gradually builds up and it's especially difficult when he asks me what's wrong and I feel like I can't talk to him about it because I don't want to be a nag.
I can feel myself putting my walls back up.
I'm so tired of being fed words, words, and more words just because he thinks it's what I want to hear. I just want the truth, even if it's hurts a little. At least the hurt and disappointment is over quickly instead of being dragged out for weeks and months.
Maybe I'm just being immature about the whole thing.
/end venting session
I don't know if it's the meds or being sick for so long or maybe I'm just frustrated with things in general, but I have been in some foul mood...especially when it comes to BF.
He is just all talk talk talk but no action. What is that song by Ke$ha? "Blah blah blah blahblahblah blah blah Comin' outcha mouth witcha blah blah blah..."
There are so many things he says and then doesn't follow through. Or he puts it into some code that I'm figuring out on my own. Like, "I'll see what I can do..." or "I don't think..." or "I'll try" means that it's not going to happen. He just doesn't want to flat out tell me so. Instead, he gets my hopes up and even though now I know what it means, I still hope. I mean, for goodness sake...just tell me so I can get past the disappointment and move on to something else.
He said that he doesn't come have lunch with me on Fridays anymore all the time because he doesn't want me to get used to it. Nope, he doesn't come at all now and hasn't since last spring. If you don't want to come anymore, just say so! Don't try to pretty it up and make it seem like you're trying to do something good or special when you have no intention of doing it at all. I just get disappointed every single Friday because there's that tiny glimmer of hope that maybe he'll actually do it this time. I usually don't hear from him at all on Fridays. Maybe at 8:30 in the morning, then after that -- nothing.
"I'm never too busy for you."
"If I were there right now, I'd go out of my way to see you."
"I'll have to make sure I stop by and see you."
But he is too busy.
But when he is around, he doesn't go out of his way to see me.
And he doesn't stop by and see me.
He says he wants to marry me. He talks about it constantly. He won't tell me his plan. He told me some of the things that are holding things up...things that are petty and I don't care about and he knows this. I feel like they're excuses to put it off. And that's fine. Just stop talking about it, please.
The sad thing is, I've already discussed these things with him and how it makes me feel, but it doesn't stop.
And my mother, in a conversation we had a few weeks ago about something else, said that I can't get on him about this stuff because then he'll stop talking to me about anything.
So what am I supposed to do?
I find myself on the verge of tears because all of this stuff gradually builds up and it's especially difficult when he asks me what's wrong and I feel like I can't talk to him about it because I don't want to be a nag.
I can feel myself putting my walls back up.
I'm so tired of being fed words, words, and more words just because he thinks it's what I want to hear. I just want the truth, even if it's hurts a little. At least the hurt and disappointment is over quickly instead of being dragged out for weeks and months.
Maybe I'm just being immature about the whole thing.
/end venting session
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