Distracting myself = Productiveness

So...

I think this is the first time sitting at my home computer and writing since I moved.

Everything else I've done is usually written on an e-mail draft or notepad page and then copied and posted on my phone or ipad.

The hubster is back from his trip.  I can't tell if he enjoyed his trip or not.  He keeps talking about it, but also says he's so glad to be home.  I didn't enjoy him not being here, but I sure did accomplish a lot.

He left Thursday night.  I think that was the first time he had ever seen me cry.  He wanted to know what I was so worried about.  I wasn't really worried about anything, I just didn't want him to leave.  The tears were uncontrollable.  I wound up crying myself to sleep that night and my eyes were swollen until after lunch break on Friday.

I worked on Friday and that evening my younger brother and his wife came over for dinner to keep me company.  They brought some adult beverages, which we enjoyed, and they left around 11 pm.  I cried again, but I didn't fall asleep that way.

Saturday I did all the laundry spent all day rearranging the cupboards in the kitchen.  It wasn't my plan for the day, but it sure was funny last night when he got home and went to get a drink and couldn't find the glasses.  I was cleaning off the countertops and moving things that I didn't like.  I moved the knife block and spice rack next to the stove and decided that the rest of the spices and cooking ingredients should be near the stove, too.  Out went the cups and mugs, in went the spices and such as well as measuring cups, mixing bowls and storage containers.  Cups went into where the spices were, while I decided the mugs should be near the coffee maker.  Out went the kids' dishes and other random things that were in there and in went the coffee mugs and water bottles that we don't use much.  Then I decided that the rest of the nicer dishes and wine glasses can go in the cupboard with the glass cups.  Out went those dishes and in went the kids' stuff.  Ta-da!

So it wasn't intentional. More of a domino effect.

Sunday we went to church and I had nursery duty (5 kids 2 and under in there...3 were under a year old).  I forgot to mention that BB's mother had him all this time, but she did let him return to church.  Yay!  We had an early dinner out with my parents, then I took a nap at their house and went home to clean while the kiddos spent the night at my parents' house.  I vacuumed the entire house, cleaned our bedroom, put away all the laundry, changed our sheets, washed all the dishes, took out the trash...I think that's it.

Who wouldn't want to go away on a trip with no running water, cooped up in a little cabin with 3 or 4 other men, not changing clothes or shaving for 5 days, and come home to a clean house?

I went to work on Monday and anxiously awaited the return of my husband.

He was good about sending me messages when he could and he called once or twice a day despite bad cell service.  I did cry at least a little every day.  I tried not to let on that I was upset whenever we hung up, but he told me he could hear it in my voice.

I tried to tell him that it would be so much easier if I didn't get upset like that.  I don't like feeling that way, but I can't help it.

He seemed truly happy to see me when he came through the door.  He dropped all his stuff right when got inside with a huge smile on his face and then gathered me up in his arms for big hug and a kiss.

Even though it makes me anxious to hear him talk about guns and shooting things (don't ask...I don't know why), I let him talk and talk and mull over things and watched him eat the leftover lasagna soup that he likes so much.

I thought I would sleep better last night, but I think I'd gotten used to the silence of the house and had trouble falling asleep.  I think I tossed and turned for over 2 hours.

Today is a snow day for me.  The kids are off school anyway, but I decided to err on the side of caution and stay home.  I'm glad I did.  Hubby went to work, though.  Because of his job, he doesn't know when he'll be home.

The psychologist called me to see if I wanted to try and make it in or reschedule.  So my first meeting with her has been postponed until I reschedule, hopefully for later this week.  I just need to muster up the nerve to call the office.

The kids are playing nicely and it's rather calm around here.

Time to go start on a crock pot dinner that I think Hubby will enjoy to the max!

Days 8-10 of 30 Days of Thankful

Day 8 -- I'm thankful for our house. It's the first place where I've felt at home in years. I think it's perfect for our family and there is potential for expansion whenever our family expands. We have a beautiful large fenced in yard that's perfect for the kids and I feel safe here. When we were looking at houses online, Hubby pointed out this one and I didn't even like it. The kitchen is red and it looked kind of weird and it is a split level. I didn't want a split level. I agreed to look at it to humor Hubby and because my parents and daycare and the school are all within 3 miles of the location. I had no idea that it would feel like home as soon as I set foot in the door and I would fall in love with it immediately. We are so blessed to have this home. 

Day 9 -- I'm thankful for my first marriage. I think it was a mistake and it should have never happened, but if I hadn't gone through it I wouldn't have my sweet babies. I learned a lot from the experience and I know somehow it led me to where I am now. 

Day 10 -- I'm thankful for my ex-husband. Again, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have LB and DD. I learned a lot from the way he treated me. I learned the characteristics of someone I may not want to necessarily associate with and I learned what I want and deserve from my spouse. I learned about managing money and recovering from debt. What he and I went through has brought me closer to The Lord (after some major backsliding). So while I am not a fan of his by any means, I know was a significant part of the journey to getting to the place in my life where I am now. 

Post-wedding Part 2

Custody:  Well, I have a lot to say about this, but I don't want to say it. X hasn't seen the kids in over 6 months now. I didn't hear from him since the beginning of March until the end of August. It seems to me like he's making lame attempts at trying to see the kids. He wanted to see them unsupervised so he could take them places. I said no because he hasn't seen them in so long and I want to stick as closely as possible to the custody order. Then he invited them to his son's first birthday party, with the option of me leaving them there for 3 or so hours or I could stay, too. Again, I said no. There's no way I wasn't going to drop them off in a house full of people they don't know for a half-brother they don't even know they have, and I have enough self-respect not to subject myself to that lion's den full of his family and friends who probably despise me right now. Not to mention, his significant other is to have no contact with them.

 

No way, no how.

 

So now he wants to have his best friend and his wife supervise at their house. He's going to drive at least half and hour north to their house for this visit, which is an hour or more for me to get there.  I asked him if he could choose a closer location and he said that they wouldn't drive to the area where he lives and if gas is an issue, he'd give me $5. This ended up being a no as well.  I don't think I should be expected to drive any farther than where he lives, which is 30+ minutes away.

 

I met with an attorney a week or so ago and he said that what I'm doing is okay, as long as I leave it open for him to see them.  That was before his best friend supervising was brought up.  I know it's not the only option he has, so I think I'm still doing the right thing.

 

So to make a long story short, I think he's going to see them eventually, but he has to stop suggesting these seemingly ridiculous ideas.

 

House/Cats:  We've found some weird things about our house and there are definitely things that need to be fixed, but we both still love it.  Hubby said that it still suddenly hits him that it's our home.  I get the same thing, but it's about him being my husband. 

 

The kitties are doing well and they seem happy. I thought the black and white cat was a goner because he got really sick and stopped eating.  I think he poisoned himself.  He started throwing up every time he ate and eventually stopped eating altogether. He lost a lot of weight and became extremely lethargic. I couldn't take him to a vet because that was when we messed up with our bills and we had no money.  I decided to try giving him some canned chicken and water and over two or three days he got his appetite back and is now back to being healthy and happy and playful and is eating his regular kitty food just fine.  And Hubby has to keep his stuff cleaned up in the basement.  He was leaving out adhesives and solvents and I'm thinking that's what tuxedo kitty got into.

 

I think I'm just about finished...on to part 3.

It's amazing what can happen in such little time

So, I started writing an update back in April (the 26th, to be exact), but it got so long (and still didn't have all the details) that I never finished it.

Here I am 3 months after my last entry...now a wife, stepmother and homeowner.

I don't even know where to start. I guess first I should say that BF/F will now be Hubby or Husband and BFS/FS will be SS (for step-son).

I think a lot of people are making assumptions and I hate having to explain myself because I shouldn't have to. Someone suspected that I was pregnant (which is not true) and a lot of people want to know what the rush is. Some people want to know why it didn't happen sooner. Some want to know why I've kept so quiet about it and think I was trying to keep it a secret. The majority of our families knew what was going on and I thought those were the people who really needed to know.

And the fact is, we've been extremely busy.

Ever since I wrote that last entry, it's been house-searching, pre-marital counseling, working, sorting and donating, wedding planning, choir practices, maintaining a healthy relationship with each other and our children, and who knows what else.

When I wrote that last entry on March 7th, we were going to go look at houses that weekend, and we did. We went the next weekend, too. And the next. That 3rd weekend was when we found THE house.

That is when things went into fast forward mode.  Neither of us thought that we'd find the house we wanted in three weeks.  Hubby had specific things he wanted and a rather low budget, so I didn't think we'd find anything that wasn't a short sale (and those can take 6 months for an easy sale!). I didn't want much except for storage within the home and 4 bedrooms so that we wouldn't have to build a 4th room, but I didn't think we'd find it with his budget and everything he wanted. I'll go into the perks and details about it later.

So we fell in love with our perfect house much sooner than we thought. We could have closed on it and moved in April, but a single mother and her two daughters lived there and we wanted to give them enough time to move out without being too stressed and without rushing all of the inspections and appraisals and such that would have to be done. We chose May 21st for our settlement date and we were going to get married at the end of the same month or beginning of June.  Hubby didn't want to have a house together and not be able to live together. So we chose May 18th as our wedding date and my mom bought us a great honeymoon for three nights at a gorgeous bed and breakfast down in Lur@y, Virgini@. The same day we got back we would close on the house and spend our first night there with the kids.

As soon as we picked our wedding date, we started an intense 6-week pre-marital counseling program with the pastor at my church.  He took a 14 chapter workbook for couples who are re-marrying and crammed it into 6 sessions.  I felt like in the beginning he didn't think that we were serious and wouldn't put in the work that he expected, but Hubby and I would do the chapters on our own, then get together and go over them together, then go over them with the pastor.  A lot of the thing brought up in the book were things we had already talked about, but it certainly didn't hurt to talk about them again. There was at least one thing that I was glad came out before we got married because I think I could have been bad if it had come out after.  By the end of the program, the pastor seemed impressed with the work we did and gave me the impression that he thought we are good for each other and really did think it all through.

My mom went dress shopping with me about 3 weeks before the wedding and we found my dress at M@cy's. I later found some great shoes online.  It was a white strapless hi-low prom dress (I think that's what they're called) and it had sequins at the top. It's not my typical style, but I loved the dress and I got it for $85! My mom said the dress-shopping experience was so much better this time than it was the first time around. I don't remember much about the first time, to be honest.

All throughout April I went to my parents' storage unit and went through a lot (but not all...argh) of my things.  I donated most of it and threw away a  bunch of things and kept some.

For the wedding decorations we decided to buy shrubs and plants that we could plant at our new house.  It actually turned out really nicely and the night before the wedding Hubby and I spent 2-3 hours arranging them so it looked like a wall of flowers.

Hubby's dad and step-mom drove up from Florida the Thursday before the wedding. They met us at our soon-to-be home so they could get a tour that same night.  The next day we went to their hotel room because they had gifts for my kids and then we had our parents-meet-the-other-parents dinner at B0b Ev@ns (I know, fancy...haha), which went really well!

Our wedding was at 11 o'clock in the morning. I had my mom curl my hair for me and all the curl fell out before I even got to the church (and that was with putting a curling mousse in beforehand and hairspray after!!!). As tacky as it may be, I dug out my veil from my first wedding and used it. The only times I thought about its origin were when I pulled it out of the preservation box and right now, so I don't feel bad about it. It was a beautiful veil and I'm glad I had the chance to use it for the right moment.

Hubby's dad and step-mom went into the sanctuary first, then my mom and DD and DS, then Hubby and SS, then my dad walked me in while everyone else sang the tune of "Here Comes the Bride". The wedding itself was quite short and went well (except DS kept pulling on my dress, asking me what the pastor was talking about, and DD went around picking up the flowers that had fallen on the floor and wanted me to hold them...but those were cute things).  Hubby's ring is white tungsten and mine is platinum, both plain bands.

And the total count of people at the wedding...  *drumroll please*  11!  Eleven!  10+1!  Me, Hubby, DD, DS, SS, my mom, my dad, his dad, his step-mom, the person who took photos, the pastor.  Super small, super simple, no drama.

After the wedding we took some photos, then headed off to our honeymoon in Lur@y, Virgini@. My parents paid for us to stay for 3 nights at a beautiful bed and breakfast inn that's tucked away on the mountain.  We took Skyl1ne Dr1ve on the way down there for the scenery and discovered on the way that we'd have practically no cell phone service.  So when it came time to call our kids we'd have to drive around, watch our cell signals like hawks and then stop in random places so we could make our calls.  The places with service were different just about every time. When we'd go back to a place that had it before, it didn't anymore.  We went to the caverns (they made an organ out of the stalagtites...best part of the whole tour!), went to the various antique and knick-knack shops in the area, had the best steak dinner ever at a restaurant in Sperryville called the Th0rnt0n Riv3r Grill, and hung out in the hot tub at the inn.  Every morning we had a gourmet home-cooked breakfast with the innkeeper and 2 other couples.  Or at least that was the first morning.  One couple was there for a night for their 1st anniversary. The other couple had eloped and gotten married there and spent 2 nights.  Every morning at 7:30 there was a carafe of fresh coffee waiting at our door.  It was such a nice trip and i hope we can return sometime in the future for our anniversary.

As soon as we got back home to reality, we went to the walk-through for the house we were buying and then went to the realtor's office for settlement. When we went to the walk-through, there were little sandbuckets and a welcome to your new home card from the seller's two little girls. It was so sweet. Settlement went very smoothly and that night we moved all the beds in and spent the first night there with the kids.

I foolishly went to work for the rest of the week. Ick.

So to answer one question...we kept it quiet and didn't make public posts online about when and where the wedding would be because of our ex-spouses. Mine has been suspiciously silent for 3 months now and I didn't want him to decide to make waves when we were under so much stress, and Hubby's ex was desperately trying to figure out the details and I was afraid she'd be so bold as to show up.  We both have had the bigger weddings before and both marriages failed, so we knew that making a big deal out of it isn't going to guarantee a successful marriage.  We were on a tight budget and didn't have a lot of money to spend on a reception or lavish wedding and wedding party. So we kept it small. I think our plan is to have a house-warming 'party' all day one Saturday so anyone who wants to can stop by and socialize however long they want. When that will be...I don't know. We're still moving and unpacking and getting a routine going.

To answer another question...I'm not pregnant and it wasn't even an issue.

The house a 4 level split with 3 bedrooms and 1 full bathroom. We were concerned that 1 bathroom for 5 people will be horrible, but so far is isn't so bad...or at least I don't think it is.  Hubby seems to think it's worse than I do.  We have a paved driveway and the front yard is full of trees with bird houses in random places.  There is a shed next to the house that could be a garage for a couple small cars, but Hubby keeps his motorcycle and boat and bicycle in there right now. There are rose bushes right in front of the big window of the living room and Hubby planted several lantana plants (which are cute little pink, orange and yellow flowers...we had them as decorations for the wedding) out front.  The back yard is big and fenced in and the seller allowed us to keep the playset that they had. There is also a shed out back which houses the riding and push mowers and some gardening tools. There is a firepit off to the side with seats made out of logs and tree stumps. We have a fruit tree of some kind back there (pawpaw???) and wild strawberries and honeysuckle and some other kinds of berries. We planted some other plants that we had at the wedding right along the back of the house: 3 blue hydrangea bushes that bloom from spring to fall and are turing pink, 2 white rhododendrons, and a pink azalea that my mom/kids gave me for mother's day this year. We also have two barrel planters full of begonias and another planter with a mix of flowers that I can't name.

Did I ever mention that Hubby's job is gardening?  I guarantee you that all of those plants would be dead by now or I'd still be trying to plant them if I did it myself. He pulled up two huge bushes so we could plant all those little ones. What probably would have taken me 2 weeks to complete took him what probably would have been less than a day at work total.

The main level of the house has the living room, kitchen, and dining room. Upstairs are the three bedrooms (Hubby and I get one, DS and SS share one, DD gets her own) and bathroom. Downstairs is the wood stove and another living room that we use as the play room and a sunroom that we plan to turn into another bedroom with a bathroom and walk-in closet. The laundry is done in the basement, which is where my kitties have their necessity stuff. We also have attic space that we don't use.

Everyone loves the house.  DD is already talking about how she wants it when she's older (scary thought).  DS loves it so much that he doesn't want to leave.  I thought it felt like home before it was even ours (which is a huge deal because when I got married the first time and owned a house, it NEVER felt like home!), as did Hubby.  SS talks about how he likes it, too, though he's only there 4 nights per week right now. The cats are comfortable there, too. I'm glad that they can finally run around and have daily interaction with people instead of being holed up in the basement like they were when I lived with my parents.  My tuxedo cat had put on a lot of weight while he was there and has since lost a bit of weight after the move.

I think this is where I will close. It's taken me three days to write this and I don't really feel like going back and fixing any typos (though I seem to miss them all when I do go back and edit). I don't know when I'll write again, as I don't get a lot of time to sit down and do this type of thing anymore. Maybe once we have a routine going I'll be able to make some time.

In short: life feels absolutely amazing right now, I'm blessed far beyond what I deserve and I don't know why, Hubby is a wonderful husband, and I wouldn't change a thing right now!

So until next time...au revoir.